Chapter 1.43 – Never Seen Your Face

“That’s Caleb’s room. That’s mine and it’s strictly off-limits. You three will be in that room. Help yourself to the pantry. I’ve got surgery until five; do not call me unless it’s urgent. If I come back and you’re all drunk, I’ll turn you in myself. Understood?”

“Yes Mum,” Faith joked. Lilith narrowed her eyes at her and Faith felt that now familiar fuzzy sensation in her brain. In her mind, Faith started counting to the tune of Happy Birthday while picturing Caleb dancing around naked holding an inflatable crocodile.

Lilith could clearly see, or hear, at least part of this; she raised an eyebrow and turned her attention away.

“We appreciate what you’re doing, Lilith,” Melinda said.

“Yes,” April agreed. The next part of her sentence sounded like effort. “Thank you for everything.”

Lilith didn’t respond. She gave Caleb a look that caused him to flinch, headed straight downstairs and out of the front door, without a word.

She had been in an even frostier mood than usual from the second Caleb had defiantly placed the knackered old television in the living room. Lilith hadn’t said anything, but the look on her face told Faith that if the girls hadn’t been there, Caleb would not have gotten away with it.

Faith was really quite proud of him, although it wasn’t lost on her that he was still simply following orders.

April had gone to lie down and the rest of the group immediately raided the pantry and were hanging out around the kitchen table with their glasses. Faith liked it like this. It reminded her of the days when the three girls would hang out in April’s bedroom. OK, back then they drank soda, rather than weird blood concoctions, but the feeling was similar. Relaxed. Easy.

Melinda had started to perk up but as morning turned to afternoon, Faith again found herself distracted. When night fell, should she go back to Seth? Sated. Did he mean what she thought he meant?

The things he had told her appalled her, actually sickened her and yet the brazenness with which he told her about them captivated her completely.

To be that unrestrained, that free… she couldn’t even imagine it.

She thought of the way he had caressed her throat with a tenderness that contrasted his violent words. The way her skin had reacted to his touch and the way it reacted now, remembering it. We’ll figure something out.

It took her a few moments to realise that Melinda had asked her a question.

“Huh?”

“When was the last time you saw your reflection, Faith?”

“Oh, the morning I turned? I think. I don’t really remember. Why?”

“Caleb said he’d never seen his. Are you OK?”

“I’m fine. You’ve never seen your reflection? Well that explains a lot.”

Caleb ran his fingers through his hair. “I feel another fringe joke coming on. Do I really look that bad?”

“Let me show you.” Faith took her phone from her pocket. “I can’t believe I forgot we could do this! No more wonky eyeliner for me!”

“That’s not going to work.”

“What? Where did you go? Why don’t you show up in photos?” Faith asked.

“Lilith says that ‘we can’t be perceived by anything other than a compensating eye as we contradict all the laws of nature’, being both alive and dead,” Caleb explained. “I think it’s something to do with not having a soul.”

“Wow. Do we even exist at all?”

“Arguably not.”

“So you have never seen your face? Ever?” Melinda asked.

“Never that I remember. Do I look like Lilith?”

“Not really.” Faith thought for a moment. “Melinda, draw the man.”

Faith knew that Melinda hated being asked to draw people, but surely this was an exceptional circumstance. Melinda didn’t argue, in fact Faith had never seen her so keen to draw. She pulled out her sketchbook. Faith had bought that for her. It was the best one she could afford, but the paper wasn’t great quality. Melinda had much better, fancier ones.

It made Faith feel all kinds of warm things knowing Melinda faithfully used this one.

Faith watched as all those strange pictures Melinda drew of herself flickered past. Melinda smoothed out the first blank page.

“Don’t smile like that,” Melinda requested as Caleb grinned at her. He tried to set his face into a more neutral expression, but his excitement kept getting the better of him.

Melinda worked swiftly and smoothly. She barely spoke the whole time she drew. The room was silent but for the gentle scratching of the pencil against the paper. Finally she placed her pencil down and Faith peered over.

“Pretty good, although you’ve flattered him somewhat.” She dragged the book across the table placing it in front of Caleb.

Caleb studied the picture for a while, taking in every pencil stroke, the wonder evident on his face. “This is what I look like,” he said to himself, amazed. He looked up at Melinda. “Thank you.”

“Is it what you expected?” Melinda asked.

“No. I’m much better looking than I thought I was. More… human.”

“Yeah, a bit pale but mostly human. It’s just a shame we can’t actually see half of your beautiful, ghostly face, Fringey.”

Caleb looked like he was having some sort of inner battle. Faith could practically see the cogs turning in his head. Finally, he looked up at her.

He didn’t even need to form the question. Cutting something was just the distraction Faith needed.



April looked around the room that was now home. It was even more poorly decorated than Marjorie’s. The whole house was. Muted colours, kind of empty. Perhaps it was a reflection of Lilith.

April had never shared a bedroom before. When Lilith had told her that she would be, she’d assumed that she’d have been sharing with Caleb, but he hadn’t even suggested it. When she said she needed to lie down, he hadn’t taken the hint. Barring that quick kiss this morning back at Marjorie’s, which was probably pity, Caleb had largely ignored her.

Her memories of the previous night were patchy but she remembered kissing him, feeling wanted.

Maybe she wasn’t a good kisser. Oh goodness, if she couldn’t even kiss him right how could she ever compare to his thousands of other lovers?

Maybe he was thinking the same thing. He’d made a mistake choosing her. He was finally realising that she was inadequate.

Ugly. Rubbish kisser.

Then she had woken up, alone. Lilith looking down at her with an expression of disgust.

Had she done something wrong? Something embarrassing? Oh no. That was it. She remembered climbing on top of him; remembered him protesting.

Desperate. Stupid.

Did she make a fool of herself? Had she ruined everything?

“What do you think?”

“April? Oh. Well it… it’ll grow back.”

She blinked confused. “What?” She turned her face up and noticed Caleb standing there. “Your hair is gone!” she gasped.

“Yes. I knew it was a bad idea,” he said, sadly.

“No! You look… you look good.” Too good for you. He’s going to leave you.

She didn’t know what to do, so she flung herself into his arms. Desperate.

She tried to pull away. Ungrateful.

Struck dumb by her erratic behaviour, he rocked her gently as she began crying against him. He listened to her whispering to herself, over and over. “Stupid girl. Ungrateful.”

“Hey, what’s the matter? Why are you saying these things?”

“You’re going to leave me.”

“What? I’m not.” He pulled back to look at her. “Why would you ever think that?”

“She told me,” April sobbed.

“Who?” She could feel the anger in him. He’s angry at you.

“Mother,” she answered, quietly.

“Your mother’s dead, April.”

April tapped her head. “She’s not. Not in here. I don’t know how to shut her up, Caleb.” He stroked her hair as her tears soaked his shirt. “She tells me all these things. She hates me, she makes me hate myself. She never stops.”

Her tears had bled through his clothing, through his skin, filled him. Her words could have been his own. He’d learned long ago that he couldn’t fix this, he couldn’t change it, he had to accept it. There was only one thing he could offer her.

“I understand,” he said. “I’m here.”



Faith had spent the whole day trying to talk herself out of going to see Seth again. She hadn’t told Melinda; she knew that the second Melinda heard about his slaughtering ways, she would convince her not to go.

That very fact had convinced Faith that she didn’t want to be talked out of it at all.

Melinda knew something was going on; she had always been able to read Faith better than anyone. But trying to get Faith to open up was always difficult. And trying to convince her not to do something she’d set her mind to was nigh on impossible.

The two had set up the TV and were catching up on the news.

“I know April killed her, so why does it feel like Sandy is the one getting away with murder?” Melinda asked.

Faith shrugged, watching the sun setting outside the window. “I’m going to go take a walk I think. Feeling a bit cooped up.”

“Hey, good idea, I’ll come with.”

“I’d rather go alone.”

“Oh? Everything OK?”

Faith looked at Melinda’s sweet face. There was never any pressure. Never any need to lie.

She found herself doing so anyway. “Yes. I just need some time to think. I won’t be long.”


Faith stepped off the porch just as Lilith arrived. The two looked at each other for a while, neither speaking. Faith tried to imagine Caleb with his crocodile again but she couldn’t. As her thoughts became more clouded she watched Lilith’s emotionless face. Her lips hadn’t moved but Faith still heard her voice.

Don’t trust him.

“Do you have something to say, Lilith?”

Lilith didn’t break her stare. “He’s deceptive, Faith.”

Faith was livid. “He’s told me all about himself, even the worst parts and yet you lied about even knowing him. How can I trust you?”

“I don’t know him. Not like I used to. He made sure of that,” Lilith hissed. “If you think he’s told you everything, you are sorely mistaken. If you let him in, he will destroy you.”

“Like how you destroyed Caleb?”

A shadow flickered across Lilith’s face, her eyes darkened for the briefest second. “I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that.”

“Yeah, why not? You pretend you don’t hear him. You’ve made him a quivering wreck, a shell. You’re a tyrant. He might not stand up for himself, but I fucking do.”

To Faith’s surprise, Lilith laughed. “You really think you’ve got this whole thing figured out, don’t you? You don’t have a clue what you’re dealing with. Do you think you’re special? Think you’re the one who can tame him? Change him? Walk into his trap, Faith. But don’t you dare come crying back to me when he makes you forget who you are.”

28 thoughts on “Chapter 1.43 – Never Seen Your Face

  1. Aww, I loved Melinda drawing Caleb, and that he got to see himself for the first time. How sweet. Also, this may come as a shock, but I feel like I’ll miss his weird hair 😆

    The moment between April and Lilith was probably the deepest we’ve seen their relationship go so far. I wonder if this will affect Caleb’s attitude to Lilith. He won’t defy her on his own, but when he sees what he perceives as a similar situation mirrored in April, he may feel about it differently. But god, of those teo run away together, what a trainwreck will that be.

    Lilith: “Don’t believe Seth, he’s manipulating you and not telling you the whole story.” Um, does that remind tou of anyone, Lilith? While this is obviously true, I’m afraid that coming from you it will just have the opposite effect, Lil. Too bad she’s physically unable of taking a long hard look in the mirror. It’s a bit late to try to actually warn Faith now, Seth may be doing those things, but Lilith has already confirmed to Faith that she herself is definitely doing those things. But of course she lacks the self-awareness to see that.

    Also, I’m pleased to see Lilith’s house actually has a TV aerial 😀 Gah the news screens kill me 😆👌

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh so now you like his weird hair? Well, maybe it’ll grow back.

      His eyes are being opened. I’m sure them running away together would be absolutely fine.

      Yay! Lilith rant. You never disappoint. 😊

      Secret TV aerial. Goes with Lilith’s secret phone and secret laptop.

      Like

  2. Damn… strong words Lilith, but I don’t know if she’ll let Faith go alone like that. I can’t wait to see if Lilith will rain down on Faith & Seth’s parade. Will she finally show her dark form?

    Man, the media in your story needs a severe smacking.

    April. Poor girl putting Sandy into everything she sees and do. Caleb definitely understands her. But now that we know why, … mmm too many variables. I’ll just have to keep reading.

    Tbh Lilith and CA shouldn’t live together. They bring out the worst in each other. Clashing personalities. But CA’s survival skills are nonexistent at this point so they are solely dependent on Lilith if they don’t want to go on a killing spree.

    Now that Caleb has the girls around, maybe he might be able to leave after all. Gonna take awhile ofc and he’ll have to trust them with his condition, which wont be easy. Not to mention the whole girls on the run, lilith, seth, will and food to think about lolol

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    1. Caleb and April out there on their own doesn’t even bear thinking about. In fact, any of them on their own would be sort of a disaster. Not that the current situation is great.

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  3. One might say that this chapter is like silence before a storm 🤨

    There are still several dramas going on beneath the surface.
    April’s fight against her mother’s voice that has etched itself into her consciousness. Caleb recognizes that. We do not get an answer as to whose voice is rumbling in Caleb’s head, but we must assume that it is Lilith’s.

    Faith has no doubt that Lilith exercises unfair control over Caleb’s deeds.
    Faith can not forget Seth. She’s obsessed and sneaks out to meet him again. She meets Lilith at the door. It’s like watching two alpha females fight.
    Faith does not acknowledge that Lilith is guarding a secret she does not quite reveal.
    Their communication is impossible. Faith will not listen and Lilith will not speak.
    A storm seems inevitable 😬

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  4. Yay, new chapter! =D

    Sheesh, Lilith. I love you, but it’s just a television. If anything, watching human emotions and movies where people interact might be good for Caleb. If not to develop social skills himself, then at least to improve his mimicking and reasoning out of other people’s feelings.
    Faith and Melinda are so wholesome together. That bit about the sketchbook just melted my cold heart. And Caleb finally seeing his own face- gah, stop pulling at my heartstrings, Snuffy. The poor guy has never seen his own reflection of course, not even in water, since he was turned as a toddler… oh man.

    Gah, and April, too. Only one perceived “rejection” is already enough to have her questioning everything and right back to hating herself in her mother’s voice. And Caleb recognizes it. I wonder if it’s Lilith he hears. Aw man, they’re both so damaged I fear the day that April and Caleb decide to run off together. Though getting out from under Lilith’s thumb is probably not a bad thing. I mean – she doesn’t even let him watch tv. I wonder if she’s going to be so controlling with the three of them too, now that they live under her roof. For however long that lasts, what with Will coming after April like a bloodhound.

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    1. You wouldn’t think she’d be so pissed off about a television, right? There’s one at the bar that he can watch, if he wanted. Not that constant sport or news in the company of the bar regulars is going to teach him much.

      I see that everyone thinks that April and Caleb will run away together. That really would be a disaster, wouldn’t it?

      Her house, her rules. 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I love the interaction between Faith, Melinda and Caleb. And that was such a good idea for Melinda to draw Caleb. Aww, this just warms my heart, these three. And Caleb finally getting a haircut, yay!

    Poor April. I think this whole turning into a vampire and running away is making her mother’s voice stronger. Then I started thinking, is this the first step in a vampire losing themselves? Do they eventually let their inner demons take over and then they become just a shell of a person? Or maybe it’s just all the isolation that is making everyone go a little bonkers. Caleb understands April, but I’m sure he doesn’t know how to help her because he has been so controlled and sheltered his whole life. I have no idea what is going to happen between these two.

    I figured Faith would go out to find Seth. I mean, even if Lilith hadn’t lied, I still think Faith would have sought Seth out. But Lilith’s lying just adds fuel to the fire, and now Faith is definitely not going to listen to her. Faith knows that he’s dangerous and she’s drawn to danger. She even lied to Mel, so I think she knows what she’s doing, or at least she’s smart enough to fill in the blanks.

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    1. Yay! No more awkwardly posing him so you can see his face! I mean, totally plot-based that decision, yup.

      Maybe. The girls are not the same people they were before they turned, let’s put it that way.

      Faith is certainly drawn to danger and she’s gonna have some massive blanks to fill in with Seth.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I love you, Lilith, but you need some fun. She’s so straight-laced. She needs a hobby or a pet. Or get laid.

    Hmm, that’s weird. I’ve been waiting for Caleb getting a haircut ever since he showed up in this story and now that he got it, he looks too… ordinary. I guess it’s one of those moments when you’ve wanted something for too long and when you finally got it, it’s not as awesome as it was in your head. Oh well. Moving on.

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  7. Aww this was such a lovely moment when Melinda drew Caleb 😊 He wouldn’t even remember his own reflection when he was a toddler, though the more burning question is, do vampire mansions even have mirrors?

    And another touching moment with Caleb and April.
    You wanted to make your readers cry, admit it 😭

    Ugh well… if Lilith would have just spoken up and tell Faith the truth about Caleb and Seth instead of those typical ominous “he’ll destroy you don’t trust him” phrases, she might have achieved something.
    But nah 😏

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    1. I think the mansion did have a mirror or two for the ‘food’ and human Lilith to use. Even if he had seen his toddler reflection, he’s changed a bit since then; didn’t have slug brows or that damn fringe.

      I don’t *want* to make you cry but sometimes it’s necessary to spin things a little sadder.

      Ah. Perhaps she has to be careful what she says, because she knows that it will inevitably be heard by someone else…

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  8. Lemme just point out that April actually /did/ thank Lilith. Hadn´t seen that coming. 😀

    Faith is funny as usual with her way of mental defense. Dang, girl. Catching on quick… and then there she goes again. I think I´m managing to follow for now. Not only is Faith really thrown for a loop because… she can´t exactly add any more scars to those she already has, but she sees someone who is so obviously worse than her that even she can´t deny it. Yet, he doesn´t seem to have a problem with self-esteem at all. That´s an example that´s gonna draw.

    But then I´m the one thrown for a loop. I´ve… never thought much about the vampires not having a reflection thing, but. That´s actually really weird… They aren´t ghosts, they´re very tangible. Thus, they /should/ be visible. How comes an eye can “compensate,” whatever that even means, and a camera can´t? Can´t make sense of this at all. O.O

    The thing between April and Caleb… they´re both so broken. And I know Lilith didn´t actually /mean/ harm, I do, but dang. /Some/ kind of positive feedback once in a while wouldn´t hurt, you know. D: These are the parts that remind me that no, even despite the redeeming points, I still very much /do not/ like Lilith.
    Also… I did think that Caleb could do with some sort of makeover… but this ain´t it. But then again, except that fringe, the rest of his hair did seem pretty… un-workable. Maybe once it grows out a little, Faith can do something completely different with it. 🙂 I still trust her makeover skills.

    …and Lilith again. I think she got it from completely the wrong end and it makes me wonder just how much she misunderstands Faith. And even better, Faith seems to be craftily playing right into Lilith´s misconception. Accusing her of being a tyrant… yes, Faith probably thinks that about her, but at the same time saying that right then makes her look like a rebel. Just trying to go down the untrodden path, is all. Lilith seems to be completely missing the point that the fact that Faith does /not/ trust Seth is high likely the main reason she´s going to see him right now. Alongside the tiny little factlet… that she can´t exactly add anymore scars to those she already has. …and it´s not even like Faith wears anything to hide those, either. I´d expect some bracelets on that girl. Ugh. No Lils, Faith and you, you´re not nearly as similar as you seem to think.

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    1. Ah, right. So, let’s see if I can explain my reasoning without confusing you further. When Lilith refers to a ‘compensating eye’, she means how the human brain helps us see and interact with objects by filling in missing information. A camera cannot do this, it can only ‘see’ a set pattern of light, whereas we humans are constantly finding patterns and seeking to make sense of what we see by drawing comparisons to what we know.

      Oh dear. I see this chapter is just one huge disappointment for you, too. I like Caleb’s new look. I still wanted him to look Caleby just with more face on display. 🤣 What sort of makeover would you give him?

      Note: Faith always wears a cuff on her left wrist.

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      1. …no. Sorry, but I´m still kinda stumped. X´D Sure, the brain can do that, but it can only work with what the eye gives it. And the eye gives it the light pattern. I mean… either something does reflects visible light, or it doesn´t. I feel like I´m missing something big, here. O.O

        Oh, no. It definitely wasn´t a disappointment, much less huge. XD It was just sorta funny how I went from “yeah, the guy /could/ use a haircut” to “well, maybe not that radical.” X´D I honestly have no idea. Would have to take him to CAS and try. But honestly? I´m totally too sleepy for that rn, sorry! X´DD Might try sometime, though.

        Huh. *goes check again* …I so made a silly here. >.> Note to self: Check what you´re blabbering better, next time. (Faith is still so playing that mind reader ice queen, tho.) On the note of bracelets, I wonder if that thing Lilith wears means something. It looks pretty old fashioned for her general style.

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        1. Hm. I think traditionally, lack of reflection/shadow/photo image was explained by the presence of silver or the vampire not having a soul, so go with Caleb’s reasoning about it being because he has no soul if that’s easier for you to fathom. Lilith’s explanation is likely her trying to explain a supernatural phenomenon the way her brain best understands it; with science. It’s not really plot critical to understand *why* they don’t have reflections or appear on camera, just as long as you know that they don’t, you’re good. 😊

          I mean, look at my avatar, I’m hardly a style icon 😆 and I’m not adverse to giving the characters further makeovers down the line to improve the visual experience for my readers, so if you discover a look that really works for him, let me know. Ooh, maybe I can have a ‘makeover the cast’ competition with a poll where you all choose your favourites… Whoever designed the original Vatores, though, what were they thinking? Lilith’s necklace with those trousers and boots? Even I wouldn’t wear that. 🤣

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          1. Oh, okay! Heheh, see? I can´t seem to get on Lilith´s side with anything. XD Not for lack of trying! My first instinct here was to go with a sciency explanation but that´s just really not something I can wrap my mind around. A supernatural phenomenon feels much more likely. It actually seems likely to me that it´s not really them not being visible, but more some sort of /interference/. If there is a tangible body, it should be visible. But if the light that reflects off the surface gets disrupted somehow… but that how would definitely have to be of supernatural origin.

            Girl. Nuh-uh. You really took me the wrong way, here. Now, I don´t know who criticized your simself, but don´t listen to them, okay? You look mighty fine, both the versions (yeah, I did notice the change ;D). So do your characters, except those who aren´t meant to (lookin´ at´cha Willy). And if Caleb turned out sort of plain here… well, it does fit his personality right now. Besides, Faith wanted something to occupy her hands. Makes sense she got a bit… scissor-happy? *tiny smirk* Plus, I ain´t here for Caleb, anyway… 😉
            Oh, and on a second thought, because clearly, I was really not thinking anymore yesterday… you already proved you know what to do with that face so it is quite handsome indeed. (I mean, Caleb´s sire /didn´t/ look half bad.)

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            1. Perhaps the tangibility is what is debateable then. Humans are always perceiving things that ‘aren’t there’ and trying to make sense of this. Think of optical illusions; they work because we’re very good at instantly warping reality when our perception is challenged. We see what we want to see a lot more than we think we do. He hallucinate, we dream and our brains are as biased as hell. Perhaps vampires do, therefore, affect light in a way that makes them unable to be solid enough to be seen in mirror, or on a standard camera, but visible enough to us for our mind to ‘fill in the blanks’ and perceive them as something tangible. They defy nature and shouldn’t exist, so maybe they don’t exist. Maybe nothing exists. OK, I’m gonna stop now before I fall right down the rabbit hole.

              Remember what I told you about most of my comments being in jest? That. I’m not offended, nor feeling criticised, I am simply making fun of myself. You’ll get used to me. 😂 Sim Snuffy had to have a makeover now real life Snuffy is creeping towards the ‘adult’ life stage and finally wearing more appropriate clothing. Oh, and that paranormal pack hair was too perfect, it looks just like mine (well, just like mine when I’ve managed to get to the salon; we’re still in lockdown here so right now I kinda look like I have a bale of green straw atop my head. 🤣😂)

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              1. Ooooh, now we´re getting back on the same wavelength. 😀 This is definitely one way we could look at this, but
                wouldn´t that put vampires uncomfortably close to ghost territory? I suppose they could be something like a very controlled poltergeist, but… yeah. I guess they could be. The other option is that their innate powers somehow interfere with technology just like… well. I just mean it could be a case of certain things not liking vampires for the same reason certain vampires don´t like certain objects. Right, Lils, with the Tv?

                XD I´m sure I will. It´s just that… *shrugs* it´s your story, you know? Remember how you said you wouldn´t want to influence our opinions of the characters? Well, you shouldn´t let any of us readers do that to your vision, either. We´re here to watch, not to meddle. Mmmkay? 😉

                ((Also, I´m kinda stuck on this chapter right now because I spied the title of the next one, I think I know which one it is and… well. I´m currently at work, so. Gonna wait ´till I get outta here for that one. ;D))

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                1. Ah… Chapter 1.44: Toy “Mildly NSFW and all sorts of disturbed” the NSFW part is very mild and I have had requests to remove it; there’s no nudity and the language is more suggestive than anything, but it’s your call. Please don’t get fired over some subtle hand to body contact and the word ‘hard’ 😂🤣😂

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                  1. Hmm… maybe I mixed them up. *headtilt* I know your screens are all okay, I remember that. Maybe the chapter I thought it was is 1.5 or something. Hmm.

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                    1. Yes, rest assured that even later in the story, where we have some unavoidable ‘on screen’ sex scenes, the screenshots are always tasteful and I don’t describe what’s going on any more than I absolutely have to. This ain’t a work of erotica. (Although it certainly gets some people going, looking at the emails I get 😂). The chapter you may be thinking of might be 1.47: Fill The Void where we have some underwear images going on, other than that, book one is pretty clean. 😊

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